The Reading of the Late Lincoln Loud's Will
by Stall Walt
Summary: The late Lincoln Loud, rich business man extraordinare, has his will read. NSL AU. Based off a sketch from the Frantics.


"Thank you all for gathering here today for the reading of Lincoln Loud's Last Will and Testament." The man in a suit cleared his throat as he looked around the room, at each person that was here. "Unfortunately, since Lincoln's actual executor is sick, he has called me to act on his behalf."

Everyone in the room nodded.

"Still can't believe he's gone…" Clyde, Lincoln's close friend and business partner, muttered to himself.

"I should have been be there to drive him. Maybe he wouldn't have been caught in that freak traffic accident." Ronald Spokes, Lincoln's driver said in disbelief.

"I doubt that would have been the case, Mr. Spokes." Watson, Lincoln's butler, said. "Worst case scenario, we would have been listening to two will readings."

"Yeah, I know, but…"

Rusty felt someone reach over and pat him on the shoulder. Looking in that direction, he saw Dr. Lopez, Lincoln's most recently hired counselor.

"Mr. Spokes, I believe now isn't the time to talk about these sort of things. However, if you wish, we can schedule an appointment so we can talk about your feelings…"

While this conversations were going on, Lynn Jr. sat at the table, silently waiting and daring not to speak. She was the sole representative of the Loud House, and each of them had done pretty well for themselves in the past few decades.

Lori managed Leni's fashion line. Luna managed to find some moderate success as a musician. Luan's Funny Business was expanding throughout the eastern coast. Lynn was a world renown sports coach known to have taken teams to championships. No one exactly knew what Lucy did for a living, but she always seemed like she lacked for nothing. Lola made a living coaching pageant hopefuls after a successful career herself. Lana ran her own plumbing company. Lisa became scientific advisor to many experiments and project, and even found time to hold lectures in many college halls. Lily found success as a computer programmer. Lynn Sr. and Rita Loud had managed to retire and still lived in their house in Royal Woods, ready to welcome any of their children and grandchildren back home.

And it took the news channels for them to know that Lincoln Loud had passed away.

It had been decades ever since that **incident** that had permanently driven a wedge between him and the rest of his family and led to him eventually walking through the door of their childhood home and never turning back. After that, they followed Lincoln's meteoric rise through the business world, his net worth eventually outstripping all of theirs combined. Still, all of them hoped that there would eventually be a day when Lincoln Loud would finally come home again.

Their hopes had been shattered upon hearing the news.

And so, she was, waiting for the executor to read Lincoln's will. The rest of the family didn't come, or more accurately, they felt like they shouldn't come. They, and she by extension, were surprised that Lincoln apparently left them anything in his will, given that as far as they knew, Lincoln never truly forgave any of them.

"I, Lincoln Loud, being of sound mind and body, have inscribed my wishes for my estate upon my possible death. As such, may they be followed to the word."

The executor cleared his throat.

"Should any of my… relatives still live at the time of my passing, please go down the list and give each one my gift."

Looking through the list, the executor nodded to himself.

"To my sportaholic sister Lynn, who had done nothing but put me in headlocks and threatened to beat me with a baseball bat unless I came to that game, I bequeath… a boot to the head."

"...Wait, what?"

The Executor raised his foot and booted Lynn Jr. on the temple.

"OW!" Lynn Jr. shouted, rubbing her head.

"Holy, are you alright?" Clyde asked with the other staring in horror.

"Y-Yeah...didn't know what to expect…" Lynn weakly chuckled, trying to hide the glistening in her eyes.

"Still, you are my sister, and I do not wish this to be the last word between. And I have heard about the knee injury that caused you to retire early…"

"Oh...Wait-"

"I bequeath a boot to the knee!"

The executor kicked Lynn right in the knee.

"GAH!" Lynn fell to the floor, clutching her knee. "S-Screw you too!"

The rest of the people at the table looked over at Lynn. Watson immediately went over to assist Lynn.

"If no one else from the family is here, then that takes care of family obligations." The Executor continued as if he didn't just boot someone in the head.

"To my best friend of many years and dependable business partner, Clyde McBride, who stood by me these many years…"

"Shouldn't we first get some first aid for Lynn?" He asked, not paying attention to the reading.

"And would keep pestering me about letting go about the 'unlucky' incident… I bequeath a boot to the head."

"Wait, huh?"

Clyde's nose met with the Executor's boot.

"GAH!"

"Oh, and another one for Lynn."

Lynn slowly rose up from the ground with Watson's help, only to be floored again.

Watson, Ronald, and Dr. Lopez looked on in horror.

"To my driver, Roland Spokes…"

"I don't want a boot to the head, man!"

"I cannot say that I enjoyed your endless chatter. Still, I notice that you were quite the admirer of my car collection…"

"DUCK AND COVER!" Roland shouted as he ducked under the table and covered his head.

"I give you my entire car collection, as well as the funds necessary to construct the garages to house them."

Roland blinked before looking up from the table. "Really?"

"No, just a boot to the head."

Roland got to practice a new style of kung-fu known as Head to Foot style.

"And another boot to the head to Lynn Jr."

"Oh come o-" Lynn's complaint was silenced by another boot to the head.

"To my faithful butler, Watson…"

"Let us get this over with…"

"I leave a boot to the head."

Watson didn't react at all, merely letting his head take the boot.

"AND ANOTHER FOR LYNN JR!"

Just as the executor was about to boot Lynn in the head, she got up, her arms crossed in front of her face.

"AHA!" She said, clearly proud that she didn't eat more boot leather.

Then the executor began to swing his foot go side to side, making Lynn's eyes track its movements. Then like a viper, the executor quickly raised his foot up and smashed his heel on the crown of Lynn's head.

"GAH!" Lynn shouted as she fell to the ground again.

"And so, I leave my kitten, Ronalda, my large...vast...BOOT TO THE HEAD!"

A loud smack occurred outside the door, and the scream of a cat echoed throughout the room. The executor didn't react.

"Finally, to the executor reading this will, I leave not a boot to the head…" The executor looked closer at the paper, sweat now starting to appear on his brow.

"BUT A RABID CHIHUAHUA?! TO BE PLACED IN HIS TROUSERS?!"

"BARK!"

"GAH!" The executor shouted as he felt the tiny dog drop into his pants and start chewing up anything it could get its hands on.

"A-And I-I-I donate my, ow, fortune to the p-people of AUSTRALIA! S-s-s,ow, SO THEY MOVE SOMEWHERE DECENT!"

The executor breathed deeply, his forearms on the table, as the rabid Chihuahua hopped out of his pants and went away, probably looking for something to chew on. There was utter silence in the room as everyone tried their best to stop themselves from hurting.

"W-was that it?" Roland said, rubbing his head.

"Yep, that was it."

"Did anyone get the number of that speeding car?" Clyde muttered as he got up, grimacing as he touched his now tender nose.

"Are you alright, Miss. Lynn?" Watson said, not even noticing the pain, as he knelt down near a fallen Lynn, who had made no efforts to get back up.

"...Shouldn't have come here… Should have expected this…"

Watson said nothing, only offering a spare handkerchief to her. Lynn pushed it away, furiously rubbing at her eyes.

"Was I ever mentioned in the will?" Dr. Lopez asked.

"What, you wanted your boot to the head too?" Clyde asked.

"No, I was notified that Lincoln mentions me in the will. And I am quite disturbed… I thought he had been making amazing progress during our sessions together."

"Wait, Lincoln had been meeting you for sessions?" Lynn asked.

"Yes, as that will said, Clyde had been trying to get him to meet me to discuss his feelings toward you and his family. As far I heard, that incident affected him so much that he indirectly sabotaged every close relationship he ever had since, and even his own friendship with Clyde was starting to become distant. That being said, I thought we had really made a breakthrough during our sessions together."

"Yeah, boss was frankly more fun to work with the past year." Roland said, nodding to himself.

"I will admit, to the man that had hired me many years ago, he was simply the person that signed my paycheck." Watson then smiled. "But the man that I got to truly know over the past year, he was my friend."

"I hear you, I swear one of the best we had in a long time is when we watched Luan's routine when she opened the Oscars. I think I actually saw him actually tearing him." Clyde added.

"He was watching Luan?"

"If I was honest, he had spent the past few months looking up you guys. I mean, it's not like he had something else important to do…"

Lynn couldn't help but imagine Lincoln quietly watching the rest of the family alone in a dark room with no one else beside him.

Meanwhile, the executor looked through the will one more time, wondering why Dr. Lopez was called when the will hadn't even mentioned. Finally, he saw one important thing that he skipped, and began to rub the back of his head in embarrassment.

"I...I may have made a mistake."

"Huh?" Everyone said in tandem. Before they could press their question, the door opened and another man walked in, coughing a bit before staring hard at the executor.

"Aaron, I told you that Mr. Loud's updated will was on the counter, not on my desk."

"Sorry, sir." The executor said as he vacated the seat, allowing Lincoln's actual preferred executor to sit.

"Alright, I apologize if my associate caused any of you undue grief…"

"Oh, I'm sure it was a honest mistake." Watson said.

"Yeah, if I had to hate myself for each mistake I made, I would never get out of bed." Roland added.

"C-Could you go ahead and read Lincoln's actual will?" Lynn asked.

"Very well." The executor opened the will and cleared his throat. "I, Lincoln Loud, being of sound mind and body, have my wishes written upon this will and wish that they be executed as best they could to the spirit and letter…"

"To my dear friend, Clyde, who have stuck by me these many years no matter how difficult I was, I bequeath my controlling share in the company. I rest knowing that the company will be in good hands."

Clyde quietly bowed his head.

"To my driver, Roland Spokes, whose conversations were most stimulating, I leave my entire car collection, 5 million dollars, and whatever funds necessary to build the garages needed to house them. Also, be sure to tell your father that he raised you well."

"Thank you, sir!" Roland said.

"To my faithful butler, Watson, I leave 5 million dollars. I also leave my glowing recommendation and sincere thanks for your service."

"It was a honor to serve."

"To Dr. Lopez, I leave 5 million dollars as my sincere gratitude, as well as apologies for being so difficult during the start of those sessions."

"Frankly, I only regret that we didn't have a formal end to those sessions."

"There are also donations to several charity organizations that have been personally found to be reputable, but I will skip over that." The executor said, looking over the last items, before finally seeing one item and looking up at Lynn.

"Finally, to any members of the Loud House that have attended this meeting, I bequeath my house, the remainder of my fortune, which should equal out to 50 million after taxes, and stipends that will cover any relative's college tuition or vocational education."

Well...at least Lacy's college aspirations are even more secure, Lynn thought to herself.

"He also left a personal letter to the members of the Loud House, only to be opened and read in their presence." The executor said as he got out the envelope and retrieved the letter inside. Looking at the letter, the executor cleared his throat and began to read.

"Dear Mom, Dad, and sisters, if you are reading this, then I'm dead, and that is a shame. It means that I am dead before I got to come to the next christmas family reunion dressed as Santa Claus. Goodness knows that I have gained the weight for the role…"

"Wait, he was going to dress up as Santa?" Lynn asked.

"Huh, so that was what he was asking that tailor one time." Roland commented.

"As you heard, I have just given you guys my house. I assure you, it is big enough to house everyone comfortably. I would warn against one person staying there alone. It is quite easy to get lost in…"

"I can confirm that." Watson said.

"In all seriousness, however, the words before this paragraph were just preamble. What I wish to convey, if I am unable to in person, is this. Dad, Mom, Lori, Leni, Luna, Luan, Lucy, Lola, Lana, Lisa, Lily, and especially Lynn, allow me to say the three words I'm sure you wanted me to say."

"I forgive you."

At that, the trickling behind Lynn's eyes became too much. Once upon a time, she would have cared about what people thought about her if they ever saw her like this. How painfully naive of that girl to think that way.

Lynn Loud Jr. began to cry, for all the stupid superstitions, the wasted years, and the knowledge that they never got to meet in person again.

She cried and cried and cried…

Until someone laid their hand on her shoulder.

Almost immediately, it felt like she was surrounded by warmth, as if all of her sisters had somehow come to encircle her with their arms. And yet, there was also another presence there, slightly hesitant, but slipped in like the last piece of a puzzle. Lynn looked up, trying to see who it was.

No one was there.

"Are you alright, Miss Lynn?" Watson said, half up from his seat.

"I…" Lynn was unsure what to say, until she felt the warmth inside her. For the first time ever since she came into the room, she smiled.

"Yeah, I am."

She would never mention this to the others on that day, but she would forever claim at that moment, in that room, besides them, there was another presence.

And it felt like it was happy again.

* * *

Author's Note:

I am terribly sorry to the people that wanted the next chapter of Brave and the Loud.


End file.
